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Cellphone Secrets

As I see more grief experiences every day, I am amazed with how “clever” many minds are in adapting to the times. In the past people may have smelled an unusual perfume or cologne on their partner’s clothes, sometimes noticed longer working hours, and sometimes actually seen or heard about their partners with a new love interest which may have been shared as a “friend,” a “colleague” or a “business meeting.” One of my clients years ago had a life-changing moment when his wife came home with her blouse on backwards; another had a feeling something was up when her 14-year relationship started being less communicative and she followed him secretly to confront a woman driving him back to her home from a local bar.

Today, more and more, people are going out less and communicating on their cellphones more. We know that parents often worry about kids hanging out with poor friend choices and many apps even help parents stay on top of their kids’ communication on their cellphones. Of course, kids often find new ways to hide information from parents! What I am amazed about today is that many adults are also hiding secret communications with new interests while maintaining long-term relationships. This is not new behaviour, just new tools with which to do this with.

I have been contemplating today and I know that there is a window of opportunity for such behaviours to come to light, be addressed openly and honestly, and for all to learn from the experience. What matters most, it seems to me, is once a secretive behaviour is discovered, that it is no longer continued. I truly have compassion for all sides here. There are innumerable reasons that such times can arise in relationships. What matters most is the respectful and honest communication for all sides. I see that often the person outside of the long-term relationship is only learning bits and pieces of the full story; it seems even inside the relationship only bits of the full story are shared. What happens for the healing for each person is important. The dis-honest party needs to take ownership of their behaviour and communication; the long-term couple needs to acknowledge how each can work on themselves to improve their relationship, and the “extra” person needs healing from their own painful awareness too. Each party is working through pain, and often times, hurt people, hurt people. This is not a good time for finger-pointing as that never helps anyone long term. It is a time for reflection, understanding and healing.

Once trust is lost in a relationship, lots of healing time is needed. Anyone who finds themselves in such a position needs healing time and effort. Can you imagine being the partner who is too caught up in work or other family responsibilities who is finding out that their partner has looked elsewhere for (at least) emotional support and perhaps love that is not felt so clearly at home? Or the partner who feels forgotten by such a partner but hasn’t got the heart or courage to mention this repeatedly to the partner who is not really listening? Or the person starting a new and fun romance with a person who never honestly shared they were not truly available? Each is needing healing.

What I do encourage people to try to do is to heal and move forward without re-living the past hurt in the mind. This is not so easy. To be present in the current moment is the only way to bring true healing. This may be the best way to bring healing to many situations in life and it can be learned. It is a practice that requires people to monitor their own thoughts regularly to truly experience the now, and now is shaped by the thoughts people think about most regularly in the present moment.

I see that most of the people who are deceiving others in their relationships with them are too fearful about the likely angry or upset reactions from the people that may love, which holds them back from sharing. I encourage anyone doing this to take ownership of the dis-honesty and recognize the hurt being created for the many people involved (this includes extended friends and family as well as the direct participants in this “unfolding drama”). It’s not fair to anyone. And it’s not worth one’s own peace of mind to do this. I do feel it is this person who hurts the most. Yet they leave a trail of low-vibrational energies of sadness, pain and loss.

To be consistently honest is the backbone of respect that I feel every long-term relationship can lean on. If this has some weakness in it, practice that honesty muscle often and regularly, to re-build the strength that will support every relationship.

For those affected by dis-honesty in relationships know this: it’s not “the unknown other” that is the concern. It is the not-fully-honest person. Focus on bringing in honest communication regularly. Know that if honesty is truly being practiced, it may not be easy to hear what is said. Hear it. Lovingly, not reactively.

For each person in such situations, let yourself feel the love and the pain of such a situation. Each is still there. Recognize this, and know that you can trust again (either yourself or another). Healing is possible. Take it one moment at a time. You can do this.

I am here if you’d like to work through such grief. My heart goes out to each of you who is reading this and has experienced this personally, or has felt the hurt of a friend or family member in such a situation. I encourage us all to be able to share freely and openly our cell-phone communication with our loved ones. We are not children and being adults does not give liberty to un-truths, secrecy, or even just the comfortable avoidance of speaking the truth. Let’s live honourably and with genuine love through our thoughts, words and actions, especially to those we love. Otherwise one may learn to use this powerful word (love) without truly understanding its depth and meaning. And true love is magnificent. I wish this for each of you.

Wishing you all a healthy grieving journey ahead.

Kindly,

Hanifa

hanifahelps@gmail.com; 416-920-8975; www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com

Featured post

Understand Your Vibration to Understand Your Experience

Do you remember the first few times you looked at someone and felt that JOY of connection?! Ah, it is a beautiful feeling. You may have seen the person in pictures before you met, or you only spoke on the phone, or perhaps you worked with them. And then you met up to spend time with just them. You were Present. Do you remember the curiosity with which you listened to their likes/dislikes/preferences as well as their joys/sorrows? Nothing was too much, you accommodated everything as you understood it was their experience. You cared. Everything was manageable.

Time moves forward and not you do not look at the same person the same way. You are busier, you crave time together like this, but recognize you do not have the same time available yourself. And they do not seem to want to spend this sort of time together… What has changed? Have you gained weight? Is there another person taking up the time/attention of your partner? Maybe it’s too much time spent “together” in these Covid times where you are both around each other continuously and now you’re getting in each other’s way? Maybe you both need more personal time. Yet, you hardly even see each other now, even in the same home – as each of you is working on responsibilities that need to get done. In fact, you have more time “with” each other than ever before. So what has truly changed? You have.

Now before you get into the whole – “I have because they have” thinking, take a moment. Breathe. The only person any of us can change is ourselves. If you can first acknowledge that you have changed, start there. Each of us emits a certain vibration of energy that reflect our current state. If you think about the happy/excited energy you felt when you were first meeting your partner, you may notice that it is not the same energy you feel today. Your energy influences your relationship. This awareness is not to start feeling guilty about it. First acknowledge that your energy is different (just notice it with the curiosity you first noticed about meeting your partner). Then accept the fact (with just an accepting awareness without judgement or blame). Then act. Take charge of what energy you are choosing to spread around you. This is not a fake or “put on” happiness… this is a feeling of certainty in who you are. Start there. Thoughts, words and actions all matter.

Remember that loving gaze into your partners eyes when you first met? Allow yourself that memory to shape how you look at your partner today. Be mindfully Present to the thoughts you think about yourself and them, the words you speak to yourself and them, and the actions you do for yourself and for them.

This is how to start healing a relationship that is not in its best place. You can do it. It does require a mindful focus, but it is so worth this energy. You will feel better first, then you will see the external effects of your new focus.

I wish you a beautifully-focused re-energized journey in creating the vibrations you desire to manifest in your experience.

Photo by Lauren Brown on Pexels.com

If you need any help, do contact me at hanifahelps@gmail.com or by text/phone at 416-920-8975. Or learn more through www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com.

Kindly,

Hanifa

Featured post

Oneness

These days the concept of Oneness is very much on my mind. I came across this fitting quote that shares how I feel:

“The heart creates oneness,
And oneness is another name
For spontaneous joy.”

~Sri Chinmoy

Ah, joy! Who does not love this experience? I believe that it is beyond happiness as I like to share with clients because it is enduring; not transient like happiness which comes and goes based on (often) individual achievement or satisfaction. If you have ever worked with another person to achieve something together, you may have felt the feeling of joy. You may have felt joy in doing good for another or helping another achieve something by supporting in some way. Or maybe you have lifted another’s spirits by merely being Present for them. Each of these experiences can result in a heart-felt joy.

Since this blog is focused on healthy grieving, I thought I would bring light again to the awareness that grief can truly be the opportunity for Awakening that brings Joy. Healthy grieving can allow a person to transform their experience into Conscious expansion into the perfection of all that is. When I lost my brother many years ago, he was only in his 20’s and I had only just been accepted into the Naturopathic Medicine program in Ontario. I was going into this program partly because of my interest in helping many people and largely for my desire to help my brother. By the time I began the program, however, my brother had passed away. I will never forget the not-easy experience of seeing him go through a chronic illness for 7 years, and also never forget the gift it brought to me to provide the direction into my own healing work (as I was still determined to help others through this medicine and began the schooling after his passing). And what a joy that learning has been – not easy, but definitely joyful.

When I have experienced relationship break-ups (whether my own or through my clients), I am always amazed at the expansion of my own Awareness of the gift of more they have brought me. More compassion, more understanding, more empathy, and more peaceful knowing of the perfection of the experiences. Of course, I believe that the layers of thinking/feeling of the experiences are good to clear with Grief Recovery work (or meditation or both?!) for the ability to truly see the gift in the experiences too. This work can bring an objective mindfulness to the duality of the experience and then create an appreciation of how focused attention can re-direct us to Joy.

Now in relationship changes, I feel that this Joy is felt most often when there is a Conscious desire and hope for peace and happiness for all involved. When there is a loss of life, the Joy can come from the Conscious awareness of our own self-improvement from the experience. The gift that was left with us (or rather for us) as survivors. This gift can be experienced as a joyful awareness filled with gratitude. This is Oneness. The fact that our individual experiences are never truly individual and independent of each other. This is a joyful awareness itself.

All of this awareness today has then allowed me to stumble upon another great quote that I feel explains this concept simply and beautifully:

Now, to prepare the mind to accept far better things… that will be something I will shed more light upon this year, so wait for it!!

For an additional resource about some of my thoughts do watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SROXTRFlnpo

For now, open your heart and mind to the transformational opportunities inherent through the experience of grief and allow yourself to come back to Joy! The first step is the curiosity and openness to this possibility. Trust.

Wishing you all a fabulous New Year ahead filled with peace, love and joy!

Kindly,

Hanifa

Featured post

Divorces Are On The Rise

I certainly know the feeling of grieving during un-happy relationship experiences. They can take up space in our thoughts, words and actions and I suspect more people have worked with counselling for this and the loss of a family member to death, than any other areas of grieving. This is my experience in any case and these are often cited as the two highest causes of grief in many statistics too.

I recently read that our rates of divorce are steadily rising over the years and I suspect that the current pandemic of Covid is also contributing to extra strains in relationships. Job security has been questionable for several years before this time as you may have noticed that many large companies were already downsizing their salary budgets by hiring contractors for positions that used to be held by full-time employees, many top-level executives were being let go (fired) with enough financial incentive to avoid lawsuits, and it has been many, many years in most businesses that a single person is doing the work that would ideally be done by several. Today, we are seeing several businesses close down and many people losing their jobs and incomes. Many kids are home-schooling, many services and freedoms previously enjoyed are restricted. Of course this has an impact on marital relationships.

The emotion that is arising most notably is anger/frustration. Not only are people feeling this individually, but most of us can sense the general anxiety which is fed by media, daily conversations and a background fear in many people. More people are now working from home too, which as far as I can see has increased the workday for the majority of people rather than decreased it, as may have been expected by less travel time to get to work. All of this can then move into the feeling of frustration and anger, and often it is marital relationships that suffer first. The frustration can also spill over into other relationships (personal and/or professional) and soon there can be a domino-effect of un-easy times and experiences.

And guess what the most common cause for marital un-ease is due to? Financial distress. You can imagine that with the fear (or experience) of job loss, and the reality of restriction of regular activities (which may lead to overspending in other ways), money can often come up as a reason for divorce in these times. Especially as the financial strain on a single working parent or spouse is often non-sustainable for very long without a clearly building resentment which can result in marital strain and possible divorce.

Did you know that a study at Utah State University found that couples who disagree about financial matters once a week are 30% more likely to divorce? See: https://www.tesh.com/articles/do-couples-lie-about-money-to-each-other/ for other interesting information (and truths in my opinion and experience) about couples’ communication about money.

So what to do? Learn to communicate with each other openly, honestly and effectively. This can benefit from each person getting some counselling and guidance. Often the current situation is the “last straw” from a series of prior experiences in life (for each, likely) and if you know anything about the Power of NOW, you know that today, focusing on this moment/experience is most important. Yet most people feel that they “know” what to do (most often this involves changing the other person’s unacceptable behaviour- lol!) and it takes some self-awareness and drive to improve a situation to work with someone (coach/therapist/counsellor) that may help a person see things outside of their own direct perspective.

In my practice, I have found that often times people benefit from the validation of their feelings, honest communication, and encouragement for movement in new positive directions. The least easy part of this for most people is often the total honesty that each person needs first, about themselves. Understanding one’s own needs, worries, and fears first is a fantastic way to open honest and compassionate communication in even the most precarious of relationships. I truly believe that Grief Recovery (7 sessions total needed) has been a huge blessing for many couples I have worked with. Some people benefit from working with a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist. I encourage people to work with such help if they are contemplating divorce in a relationship that they truly would like to save from such a fate. This takes a sincere desire for healing at some level for both parties; either to stay together or to part amicably.

I believe that now more than ever, it helps to have loving and supportive relationships in our lives. If you or someone you know is going through some relationship un-ease please reach out for help. For those that are already working through a separation/divorce, know that I am very aware that this is definitely not an easy time to get through for most, and it needs the same care (maybe more?) to heal from this experience too. Please take the time to heal – and know that healing comes from first a desire to do so.

I wish you all good and healthy relationships, strength and courage to get through any un-easy times, and compassion for yourself through your process, wherever you are.

Kindly,

Hanifa

www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com; hanifahelps@gmail.com;

And please like, subscribe and share my tips on YouTube with anyone who could benefit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtAAm2qVoGiWTommQS5CRog/videos?view_as=subscriber

Grief and Love

I find it very interesting how these two powerful emotions are so clearly linked. As Queen Elizabeth II said: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” I believe this is true as it is only that which we love that we grieve if/when it is lost. This does not have to be a person (although often it is). It may be the loss of health which one previously had; loss of physical or mental strength/ability, loss of a loved job, the loss of a pet or even loss of one’s youth and/or sense of vitality.

The most important thing to remember is that whatever you are enjoying today may not be here tomorrow. This is not meant to be a bleak statement but an opportunity to open ourselves to gratitude for what blessings are right here, right now. So often we do not take time to truly love what is here right now, and this definitely includes personal relationships.

I find that as I work with understanding the depths of myself I am amazed that my capacity to love has expanded exponentially. Yes, lots of meditation has helped me get to this place and I will credit that, combined with my sincere intention to help myself as well as others with my full heart. Now I thought my full heart has always been in my work (personally and professionally) but… there is more heart to share now. Does that even make sense? I feel the breadth of my emotions so fully these days. I can’t believe how much I enjoy my daily walks looking at the simplest details around me with a full and pure appreciation for the Creation around me. And I can’t believe how much I care for clients, friends and family (past and present) too.

Yesterday I was letting a client know how much I enjoyed seeing her face and connecting with her in our sessions and she said “I bet you say that to all of your clients” – and I had to let her know that I truly do love each of my clients, yet the interaction with her is truly special. I meditated on this thought and realized… it’s because I am truly Present with each of my clients… and also friends and my family (whether we speak or through text/email). I like it, yet I realize that it’s taken a while to be in this space… and clearly I wasn’t consciously “trying” to do this… I wasn’t even aware of this until after my meditation and contemplation! Yet, I feel this is the real reason. And it feels fantastic! There is no judgement, no comparison, just full appreciation for each unique soul that I have the pleasure of interacting with. It’s a very heartfelt experience (I believe all around!).

Most of you know that the focus of my work is to help people recover from Grief and then to move forward more positively and wisely. Yet I didn’t realize that this work would lead me to Brain Re-Training and then an exploration of Consciousness. And what a journey it has all been and continues to be. Never in my dreams (that I know of) did I think that this work would lead me back to Love. A deeper, more meaningful and cherished experience than I ever knew was possible. With my own Higher Self/God/the Universe and with every soul around me too. Of course I am still drawn to those who are silently grieving (and I believe there are silent grievers all around us). Today as I write, I hope I am also helping people realize (just like I have) that there is a transformation possible through the portal of grief that I do not believe is possible in any other way. Some traditions will refer to what I am calling “grief” as “suffering” (Buddhism). I have to admit, there is some “suffering” (though I prefer to call it un-ease) in times of grief or loss. Yet this love that is possible once a person has mastered their Grief Recovery processing (this means not just doing the work to get through one experience, but using the information learned, to process every grief/loss encountered with the same principles), then… it’s really not easy to explain but it is truly a beautiful sense of peace and contentment. A brighter space from which to give and receive love.

Which makes me think… perhaps there is a way to teach love? I actually believe that this is what many sages and mystics, as well as some painters, artists, poets and writers through the years have tried to teach in their own chosen form of expression. Today, I know that my next course creation will be exactly this: how to love more. More fully, more openly, more whole-heartedly. What an exciting awareness and I hope it will help people in helping themselves, their romantic relationships and/or their family through not-easy moments and times. I also believe that patients/clients will be helped more through this Conscious decision (to love more) from the healthcare professionals that work with them – and you know how I love to encourage compassion and care in healthcare practice! So look forward to that course soon!

I also believe that we do not need grief to experience love more fully. Yet, it’s so “human nature” or the mind’s tendency to put off the realization that this feeling is what really needs to be nurtured, fed and allowed to grow in our lives. Often this very obvious fact is missed when we try to justify “why” we need more from others, from life or from even our day… until a significant grief/loss… and there’s that portal that still many may miss. And that’s one of the reasons I am here. If you need help in your journey, do contact me through my contact details at http://www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com.

Wishing us all the clarity to see the opportunities to love more in each moment.

Kindly,

Hanifa

The Healthcare Professional’s Ego

You may be wondering why on earth the Healthcare Professional’s Ego is being discussed in a blog about healthy grieving. Well, this post is to remind each person that we all have a tendency to build up or break down the egos of healthcare professionals. The patient/client wants to be helped and the healthcare professional wants to help. It’s a great system until something is not great. Which usually means that the healthcare system or professional has missed something. Maybe a lab test was missed being ordered (or false negative/positive result came from an ordered test); a follow-up that was not followed through (maybe through a phonemail or email); maybe medicines or supplements or other treatments did not result in healing and new measures need to be taken. This is a time that patients can grieve and lose faith in the healthcare system or providers. And let me tell you, healthcare providers go through much grief in such a time too. Both expecting that either the patient or the healthcare professional “should have” done something different, prevented, or treated, a current concern differently.

Now, I do understand that this is a situation of mutual concern. Yet I am drawn to the awareness that no one practitioner, one treatment, or one factor has created such a time. When a doctor believes “I should have known” or the patient feels the same, both are coming from an ego space (the healthcare provider feeling they should have been “better/wiser than” the patient; and the patient feeling let down because they are “lesser-than/less wise” than the provider. And although both are relatively right; the education and experience of the practitioner does help to detect a possible diagnosis, and the patient is trusting the practitioner to do so. Yet, patients also know their own bodies better than even the wisest and most caring healthcare practitioner. And no matter what, sometimes all of the right tests, procedures, and actions do not reveal underlying details until the “right time.” And no matter when something is discovered, there is no predicting healing. Sometimes much later diagnoses have spontaneous and complete healing; sometimes early diagnosis still leads to significant disease progression.

Let us also not forget that each healthcare provider is juggling their own health concerns, family and friend concerns, possible major life changes and the same types of un-easy life experiences that each patient is bringing to them too. When they are expecting perfect actions leading to perfect results from themselves and patients are expecting the same, there is an illusion that needs to be lifted/overcome. No one is perfect. But a perfect energy is at play with perfect intentions from all.

And here is the piece that I feel has to be recognized. There is a different energy (Higher Consciousness) that directs a lot of things beyond what we work to create with even the best nutrition, supplements, lifestyle and/or medications. I have always truly believed that people learn about their various medical diagnoses at the “right” time for themselves. Not “too early/too late” but “just right” for the individual’s personal journey. If I had it my way, I know I wish no one would ever experience illness and disease. Yet this would be denying the human and the basic life/death cycle of all. Birth and death are part of our life experience.

Did you know that the therapeutic relationship between the practitioner and patient is the MOST USEFUL aspect/space for healing? When trust is lost by a patient or confidence lost by a practitioner that space of healing becomes shaky. If both are able to let go of ego attachments (I am healthy because I see this practitioner; or my patients are healthy because they see me), this can allow for the best directions to guide health care from that Higher Consciousness space available for healing through both sides. I feel the best results are achieved when Ego is overcome for both; however, it is the practitioner that has chosen the healing profession. Remember that when something is not perfect, all of the times you have helped your patients/clients are almost completely forgotten or blurred for both sides. What a shame. The healthcare provider feels the patient is doing well because of the provider’s good care; the patient feels the same. Yet that was never the case. A Higher Consciousness was working through both for great benefits; yet wisdom recognizes this truth for both the good and not-good times. So in good times, something extra is guiding; in not-good times, something higher is guiding. Not many humans (or healthcare professionals) think normally from this space of awareness, yet I would encourage all to do so. Mindful awareness of this fact will help us provide care that values that unseen/less-understood space of of the unknown too.

This post was inspired by a fantastic TED talk recently recommended to me from a colleague and I absolutely loved it. The doctor is speaking about the value of the physical exam (something I also often received great feedback about), and he speaks of the importance of physical touch with patients – so touching I cried. I’m linking it below and hope you will watch. The only aspect I didn’t love was that beyond the fantastic care this doctor was speaking about, there is also an ego related to “the right things” done for his client(s) through him or his hospital. I believe that each practitioner that helps from their heart-centred actions, even through different styles, matter in any patient’s journey. I feel that many times it is the mental-emotional state of a patient that is the area that could benefit from more focus from a caring doctor or healthcare provider.

This is what I would love each healthcare provider to focus upon. The caring energy with which you do your work out of a compassionate understanding of a patient’s concern/life/experience is what I believe matters the most. As the following quote reminds us.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”― Maya Angelou

Make sure you let your clients/patients feel heard and cared for. And mean it. It is felt even if situations may bring feelings of sadness, regret or concern all around. Sometimes we do not know why/how something happens but I do believe that everything happens with Divine intervention and guidance. When great things happen for patients, know this same energy is helping (through you and your patient) and when not-great things happen it is this same energy directing. Can you help by your specific knowledge, intentions and actions? Most definitely. Do your best and always know that even your best will be limited or assisted by other energies too.

I believe that keeping a healthcare provider’s ego in check also helps to empower patients to direct their own actions as well – most of all in the understanding that many things happen for most people on a daily basis without any conscious direction from patients or their healthcare providers (e.g., breathing and heart-beating). This may bring back what has been missing in much of healthcare delivery for some time: humility backing compassionate thoughts, words and actions from practitioners that CARE.

Be that practitioner; welcome humility into the care you provide and welcome compassionate understanding from your patients/clients too!

Here is that great TED Talk by Abraham Verghese about A Doctor’s Touch https://www.ted.com/talks/abraham_verghese_a_doctor_s_touch

Remember to keep a touch of humility and loving kindness/compassion in your care.

Lose the Ego!

Kindly,

Hanifa

Understanding the Commonly-Used Stages of Grieving

Check out this post about grieving from my website at https://www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com

Here is the link: https://hearthealthbrainhealth.com/2021/05/22/understanding-grief/

Have a good night everyone!

Kindly,

Hanifa

Introspection

Introspection is the examination of one’s own conscious thoughts and feelings. I like to think of this as quiet reflection. This can be seen as using your mind in the best way – to objectively understand yourself – the good, the bad and the ugly. We all have all three. To do this without self-judgement or blame is a healthy way to approach this process. If thoughts of better actions that can be taken now arise, do enjoy these thoughts and put the thoughts into action. To focus on guilt/regret is not useful in this time. See here for my thoughts on guilt/regret: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku2V-0OlwKk

Introspection viewed from this perspective is a little (a lot) different from meditation. Some people will confuse the two as they might want to feel that quiet time is meditation. Now meditation can have a mindfulness component as lots of people know that many styles of meditation include a mindful-focus on breathing, some may use a focus on a mantra, some may look at a picture, or nature, sounds or even other sensual pleasures. The purpose with meditation is to not focus on thoughts. This process allows for a connection with a Higher Consciousness outside of the human-mind’s limited thinking. Some people call this a connection with God/the Universe/Brahman/Source/Spirit. It doesn’t really matter which term you apply to it in my opinion – the connection and experience is the same.

You may know people who meditate regularly and people that spend time in quiet reflection/introspection. You may notice that both seem to accomplish their goals and desired outcomes. What I believe is that goals achieved through introspection create a motivation to act – and goals can be achieved. This often comes from a sustained focus and effort. Goals achieved from meditation arise from inspired actions that feel easy and effortless. This does not mean that all of life becomes easy and effortless (but it can!). For this (easy and effortless life) a “mindful vigilance” would be required. Most of us are not so careful with our thoughts, words and actions in every moment to act from inspiration alone. Some people can get to this place – they are the ones we would think of as Enlightened beings. Did you know that “enlightened” is defined as “having or showing a rational, modern, and well-informed outlook” and also as “spiritually aware.” I most definitely feel it is both of these definitions and now you can understand why every Enlightened being has always said that what they have achieved is possible for any person to do.

In this post I also want to make sure I touch upon the idea of the term “Know Thyself” which, in Latin, is given as nosce te ipsum or temet nosce. The maxim, or aphorism, “know thyself” has had a variety of meanings attributed to it in literature and over time, but in early ancient Greek the phrase meant “know thy measure.” “Know Thyself” was carved into stone at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, according to legend. Philosophers, psychologists, mystics and religious leaders have shared this idea with many using the same or different language and many individuals have contemplated this idea for many years.

I believe that knowing about ourselves helps us in so many ways. It helps to understand what motivates or inspires us, helps us see/understand what we value, what/why we judge, how we feel about ourselves and what we believe. All of these awarenesses can help to enhance our communication with others as well as with ourselves. If we understand ourselves, we can have compassion for our own thoughts, words, actions, emotions and feelings. From there, we can have empathy for the experience of others as well. We can begin to understand and truly appreciate the magical interdependence of our world and have an appreciation for it all. This experience is also known as an “Awakening.” To me, this is truly enhanced through meditation for a Spiritual awareness that I do not feel is easy (though not impossible) through reading and/or introspection alone.

I made a video about this recently so here is the link to the short video of my thoughts about the maxim “Know Thyself” : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AesG7h_Qvh4

Through my meditative time this week I have been reminded:

I love giving and receiving; I love sharing; I love to be generous and receive from generous hearts too; I love laughing – alone or with others!; I love music; I have an incredible respect for people (including myself) when thoughts, words and actions are in alignment; I am compassionate and empathetic and I value others who are the same; I love learning and sharing wisdom gained; I am playful and I love other playful energies; I value full truth and honesty. Anything that is not in alignment (from myself or others) with these core values wakes me up… and then I learn something new. Then I re-balance myself as necessary. And I move forward positively.

Now my task is to act from this awareness daily. This means to be mindfully-aware of the energy that extends from me and the energy that I allow to be closest to me.

This is what I help clients do through Grief Recovery and/or Brain Re-Training. If you would like some assistance to help you move forward positively, do contact me at hanifahelps@gmail.com or call/text 416-920-8975. I’d be happy to help you.

You can also look at my website at www.hearthealthbrainhealth.com for more information. For details of my services and costs do see here: https://hearthealthbrainhealth.com/costofservices/

For now, I wish you a good day of learning more about yourself to share the best of you with yourself and with others too! Have a beautiful day.

Kindly,

Hanifa

Joyful Relationship Creations

Today I wanted to write about relationships.  This is especially for those looking to “find” or – I prefer saying “create” – loving relationships through the sheer strength of joyful creation.  I am going to combine vibrational energy thoughts (where sincerely good/joyful feelings are linked with “high vibrations” and anxious, fearful or worried feelings are linked with “low vibrations”).

All of us are vibrating based on our thoughts, words and actions all of the time.  With mindful attention, we can consciously create and hold on to the vibration we desire (I’m guessing you will all agree that feeling good feels better than feeling worried/anxious/fearful).

After the loss of a relationship, whether the loss is because of a breakup that happened after only a few weeks of dating, or whether it was after a 40-year long loving marriage that ended in a divorce, there will be thoughts, words and actions.  The experience will shape each of these, and repetitive thoughts are common in the healing time.  In the healing time I feel it’s best to first address the grief/loss of the experience for a clean slate to work with.  Then, begin to change thought patterns.

Remember that a belief is a thought that a person keeps thinking. Some of the common beliefs I’ve heard in my practice include the following:

I’ve wasted so much time; I’m never going to find something that good again; I’m no good; Men/Women can’t be trusted; My standards are too high; Most men/women are too set in their ways by now; I don’t want to be hurt again; I can’t imagine being with anyone else; Relationships are full of disappointments; People don’t change.

Any of these sound familiar?  Well they are certainly familiar to me.  I find that many (all?) of the people I know have thought some of these thoughts some times.  The way these thoughts become beliefs is by repeating them (silently or out loud) regularly.  Many people will say “well, that’s just the way I think… I’m just a realist.”  Well, some of you may know that realists are very close to pessimists.  And pessimists, realists and optimists can all create their own self-fulfilling prophecies.

For those that would like to change their pattern of thinking to a more optimistic place, you can.  Remember that the only way to learn how to do something new, is by doing it.

So in beginning an intention for a new relationship (could be romantic, a friendship, or companionship) – let yourself know that you can do this.  This is where a mindful intention makes a huge difference.  What are you thinking about and repeating in your mind regularly?  Start with statements like – “It’s easy to find good people when I feel good; I’m going to try to find the good in everyone I meet today (and then proceed to do so!); It really doesn’t take much to make me happy; I’m happy to connect with the people I meet; It’s fun to learn about myself as I become the best I can be; When my vibration is at its best, I meet with the best people for me.”

These sorts of statements raise vibrations within ourselves and around ourselves too.  You may think of them as affirmations but really they are just great ways of training your thinking.

And many begin dating again in this time of new resolve.  They meet wonderful people that they truly connect and resonate with.  And often, a little while into the relationship (could be days, weeks, months or even years) – something changes.  Now the awareness of things people do not like start becoming more prominent.  And the thoughts in the mind start focusing on these things.  Has the person changed or are you “finally seeing their true colours”?  Likely neither.  Some awarenesses are true and need to be considered clearly.  Maybe someone is paying for all the bills/expenses/outings or maybe there is a previous relationship still lingering creating a “love triangle”?  These do indeed require mindful attention because these sorts of patterns can linger even in the “best” new relationships.  In those relationships, individuals will often minimize such ideas as things that will change in time.  But they truly need to be addressed fully before continuing an unhealthy pattern that will inevitably become a bigger concern in time.

Most often, however, the details that one person may not like in another – like one is really messy and the other is particularly tidy; or that slurping noise that one of them makes when drinking water or the loud chewing or each wanting the other to take out the garbage weekly, etc. (insert innumerable ideas here) – these become bigger issues than necessary as people start to focus on them rather than the loving and kind interaction.  And many people become less mindful about the loving and kind interaction as a relationship becomes more comfortable.  Why?  Relationships need work.  Consistent work.  And it takes at least one person to lift the vibration of the couple back to its best.  Often by the time couples are openly talking about these differences, they have “tolerated” the other’s low-vibrational style for a while and matched that lower energy themselves.  It’s part of what has been called our “blame and shame” culture. Each partner will try to match the blaming or shaming of the other.  This is so unnecessary, but often leads to breakups.

The trick is to make an effort to keep your own vibration as high as possible.  To avoid pulling yourself or your new relationship down with you.  When you are in your best vibration, you will not even notice the other person’s lower vibration. At first, you will find this feels like you’re needing to take effort to lift yourself – over time this will come naturally.  Of course it’s always easiest when both partners are aware of their vibrational influences on each other.  But it never helps to blame the other for your own low vibration – even if your low vibration is your response to the other’s actions. This will only create tension and resentment in the relationship.  Come back to centering yourself.  This may mean you take a nap, go for a walk in nature, meditate, listen to your favourite music (my first choice for sure!), dance, sing, paint… anything to bring yourself into your best energy… and then get ready for positive changes within and around you.  Do not do this for the purpose of changing the other’s behaviour. Do it to feel good.  You will. And then watch the magic unfold!

Really – I have seen couples that truly apply this thinking from brain re-training with me that see profound changes in their relationships.  And often I am only seeing one person in the relationship (at first at least) – over time, both learn the vibrational “language” and soon either can lift the energy in their relationship.  It’s beautiful for me to see, and certainly magical for couples themselves.  I encourage you to try this out in any relationships you are in now. Could be parent-child, or even a relationship with a co-worker that needs some reshaping. Try it. I suspect you will be happily surprised with how wonderful loving creations can be.

Now go and create your joyful and loving relationship today.  If you need help, I would be happy to guide you to your best energy and creation. Email me at hanifahelps@gmail.com or call/text 416-920-8975.

Wishing you happy and healthy high-vibrational relationships ahead!

Kindly,

Hanifa

 

Will I Find Joy Again?

I must admit that inevitably this is the question I have heard the most often in the Grief Recovery and Brain Re-Training sessions that I do with clients.  And I have felt this during my own healing times too.  It’s amazing how sometimes this thought alone – or a belief that one will not find joy (in whatever form – food, sleep, sex, activities or friendships) that holds many people back from truly healing from their grief.  Many will use all of the “forms” linked with joy/happiness that I listed as merely a distraction from the pain within.

You can indeed find joy again. It’s not because you have given enough time for your healing (which is a myth that we do discuss in Grief Recovery) – and anyone who is aware of a significant grief that feels like it “just happened yesterday” even if it’s been over 10, 20 or even 50 years ago will know that time doesn’t heal pain. Transformation from a grief experience can heal the pain. It helps people move into a more consciously-reflective and empowered place of healing rather than fixed in obsessive rumination.

Do you know that one significant event that you know has effected your heart the most? It could be a painful childhood upbringing, or maybe strict words or abuse from a teacher/coach/boss, or it could be a sense of abandonment from someone you trusted that you could depend on.  These experiences could be very recent or may have happened many years ago. They still matter if they are on your mind.  And you can indeed get back to joy no matter what the time frame of your experience.  The important ingredient is your own awareness that maybe this IS possible. And it is.  If your awareness/belief is that this is absolutely NOT possible, Grief Recovery is not going to make much difference except as a time to discuss some important details to share with a kind practitioner over here.  This too can be good with any practitioner you have connected with and feel comfortable sharing with.  BUT… if there is even a sliver of a crack of possible belief in you that maybe… just maybe, you can feel joy again – you are in the right place!  I would love to help you create a burst of light through that crack of possibility for your healing and transformation.  You owe this to yourself.  And there is work to be done. Ah, but the rewards are so sweet… I wish you the joyful healing rewards you deserve.

If you are ready, I am ready to help you. Do send me an email at: hanifahelps@gmail.com or call/text 416-920-8975 to set up an appointment or to ask any questions that you may have.  For details about cost/services do visit my website here: hearthealthbrainhealth

Wishing you a healthy grieving journey ahead. You can do this.

Kindly,

Hanifa